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I'm not the jealous type to the point that I offend people by not caring what they do or who they see.
But.
This guy I've been seeing. I was not totally sure about him but I knew he was a serial monogamist, the type to get into relationships quickly. Also, an all around nice guy.
But.
A few days ago he initiated a conversation about defining our relationship. It seemed innocuous at first. I played it too cool, as always, all, "Well I'm not sleeping with anyone else, are you?" And confirmed he was not and he was okay with keeping things indefinite even though that's not what he usually does etc, etc. And then he charges in with how there' s another girl interested in a relationship with him and he's never been in that position. There was something about, and he's hinted about this before, how he seems to think I'll vanish at the end of summer and it will have just been a fun summer dalliance (my word).
He asked me what I want and I froze. It's completely beneath my pride to say, "choose me" and before this all came up I wasn't even secure in the idea of being in a relationship with this guy. So I told him I had no problem with him taking his time to figure out what he wanted, etc, etc. I cannot stand the idea of holding onto someone who doesn't want to be with me. I'm just not at all interested in that. Plus, I don't know this other girl and she doesn't know me. It 's not personal.
At one point he started in with something along the lines of, "I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a nice guy - or girl, or whatever ...." And I cut him off because that insulting shit makes me want to slap people.
Anyway, I took a day to think and decided via some strangely appropriate and minimally annoying yoga ramble, I decided I do care and I don want to give a relationship a shot. Of course, it's not up to me. And there's a part of me that says if this early in the game the dude is not unequivocally interested in being the significant other in my life, I should just call it quits. But that's unfair and immature. I mean how many other people have my eye right now? Was I not regularly sleeping with A and R until the very day of this stupid conversation? (And how much thinking around myself with I have to do if and when this boy doesn't pick me? I thought hard about it and decided to call it off with them because I didn't feel right not telling him about them. So I didn't change for him but for a way I felt but it's a thin fucking line.) And how much deliberation would I go through if E or Risa approached me like this girl is approaching him?
Ultimately, I'll give him some time but not too much. I'm not really ready to say goodbye to this one yet but if I have too, might as well get it over with and get on with summer.
But.
This guy I've been seeing. I was not totally sure about him but I knew he was a serial monogamist, the type to get into relationships quickly. Also, an all around nice guy.
But.
A few days ago he initiated a conversation about defining our relationship. It seemed innocuous at first. I played it too cool, as always, all, "Well I'm not sleeping with anyone else, are you?" And confirmed he was not and he was okay with keeping things indefinite even though that's not what he usually does etc, etc. And then he charges in with how there' s another girl interested in a relationship with him and he's never been in that position. There was something about, and he's hinted about this before, how he seems to think I'll vanish at the end of summer and it will have just been a fun summer dalliance (my word).
He asked me what I want and I froze. It's completely beneath my pride to say, "choose me" and before this all came up I wasn't even secure in the idea of being in a relationship with this guy. So I told him I had no problem with him taking his time to figure out what he wanted, etc, etc. I cannot stand the idea of holding onto someone who doesn't want to be with me. I'm just not at all interested in that. Plus, I don't know this other girl and she doesn't know me. It 's not personal.
At one point he started in with something along the lines of, "I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a nice guy - or girl, or whatever ...." And I cut him off because that insulting shit makes me want to slap people.
Anyway, I took a day to think and decided via some strangely appropriate and minimally annoying yoga ramble, I decided I do care and I don want to give a relationship a shot. Of course, it's not up to me. And there's a part of me that says if this early in the game the dude is not unequivocally interested in being the significant other in my life, I should just call it quits. But that's unfair and immature. I mean how many other people have my eye right now? Was I not regularly sleeping with A and R until the very day of this stupid conversation? (And how much thinking around myself with I have to do if and when this boy doesn't pick me? I thought hard about it and decided to call it off with them because I didn't feel right not telling him about them. So I didn't change for him but for a way I felt but it's a thin fucking line.) And how much deliberation would I go through if E or Risa approached me like this girl is approaching him?
Ultimately, I'll give him some time but not too much. I'm not really ready to say goodbye to this one yet but if I have too, might as well get it over with and get on with summer.
