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Yesterday I had the lovely thrill of waking up at 163.4 lbs i.e. making progress! That's slightly less than 5 lbs lost since I started this diet but it is so incredibly difficult for me to lose weight that it's a bit difficult to explain what an accomplishment 5 lbs is.
Granted, I not following the diet with a true religious zeal. I have the occasional damning dalliance with alcohol; singular, sinful trysts with sugar. Bless me Father, for I have sweetened my coffee.
This week's been nice, a cautious taste of what it might be like not to be in graduate school. Monday I ate too little and drank a tad too much. I also decided to get to know a boy by taking Adderall with him and staying up all night. The irony being, that's not even a euphemism. I was out with friends even though I had a project to work on. i had very good intentions of staying briefly and then leaving to do some work. Little did I know it was one friend's birthday and thus my obligatory hang out time was extended until she had to leave. Then another friend's brother showed up and it turned out we had stayed late enough for trivia ... then late enough to win ... and deadlines are soft this semester anyway so ....
I did have every intention of completing the assignment though, so I stopped drinking early and ate a bit of dinner. Still, this new friend of mine, Z, was in less good shape with a more pressing deadline and a mutual friend asked if we wanted Adderall. Having always wanted to investigate Adderall, in light of an untreated (because I was just such a smart lil tyke) diagnosis in childhood plus general curiosity, I accepted. For science.
Z had it in his head that it'd be great to go to his place and make use of his new record player (hipster, I thought, yay). Everyone else was out but I was in due to the following factors: A) Adderall, even if it didn't work as promised (as is my experience with basically everything but alcohol) the placebo factor should keep me awake for quite a while longer B) I stillhad every intention of getting my shit done C) I genuinely wanted to hang out with Z D) grad school needs more scandals and I might as well contribute E) I was very curious about certain aspects of Z's nature i.e. whether he was a bisexual boy unicorn or more queer than a 3 dollar bill.
In summation, it was pretty fun and I got most of my work accomplished. I kind of expected to run across some fairly off-putting aspect of Z's character like I do with most people. If anything, he just pays attention less hard to what I saying than maybe my best friends do which is no great flaw in a new friend. Particularly one who is a little drunk and on Adderall.
Despite the record player, typewriter, and being vegan, I took back the judgy "hipster" comment. The man is just obliviously fond of old movies and old-ish music and seems to have pretty good taste in both.
I think he was not expecting me to actually want to get work done (and really not necessarily in the "let's listen to music/hook up" way). But whip out my laptop and set to work I did, welcoming interruption by new record choices and movie clips and bursts of conversation, of course. Z, I learned, is much more honest than I will probably ever be able to be. People trust me instinctively for whatever reasons people do such things but I don't really do it back. If I'm hazarding guesses (and why the fuck not, this is an online journal that's semi-fictional in a corner of the web where there are no spiders) I'd say it's because while I may become amused, I almost never judge (unless you're really stingy with money, then I judge you fast). So, perhaps people sort of test me in conversation and I continue to completely accept what they say/do/think without judgment, the floodgates open. Maybe not.
Anyway, Z and I talked about all sorts of stuff. Most surprising, about past relationships and how he's convinced he doesn't know how to date (he doesn't though I think it's more that he wouldn't be wildly interested in a proper date). I think this is where I'm supposed to get all dreamy about how we talked all night and then cuddled (which we did) but I won't. It was a lovely night, good conversation, good cuddle, makings of a good friend. What I might like most about Z is his sexuality, like mine, is a moving target and he's aware of it. We talked about boys and girls and how we're kind of both in that space where we have a hard time envisioning an actual relationship with someone of the same sex. He may be a rare bisexual boy unicorn, he may be as queer as a 3 dollar bill, we'll see.
All in all, I have mixed feelings about Z. Am I attracted or just intrigued? Either way, I am quite sure he could become a good friend, given time. I am also quite sure that I should have more friends like him. My best friends are wonderful people but their range of what is good and acceptable behavior is very narrow and narrow does not suit me well. They are daylight people and sometimes I am not.
Granted, I not following the diet with a true religious zeal. I have the occasional damning dalliance with alcohol; singular, sinful trysts with sugar. Bless me Father, for I have sweetened my coffee.
This week's been nice, a cautious taste of what it might be like not to be in graduate school. Monday I ate too little and drank a tad too much. I also decided to get to know a boy by taking Adderall with him and staying up all night. The irony being, that's not even a euphemism. I was out with friends even though I had a project to work on. i had very good intentions of staying briefly and then leaving to do some work. Little did I know it was one friend's birthday and thus my obligatory hang out time was extended until she had to leave. Then another friend's brother showed up and it turned out we had stayed late enough for trivia ... then late enough to win ... and deadlines are soft this semester anyway so ....
I did have every intention of completing the assignment though, so I stopped drinking early and ate a bit of dinner. Still, this new friend of mine, Z, was in less good shape with a more pressing deadline and a mutual friend asked if we wanted Adderall. Having always wanted to investigate Adderall, in light of an untreated (because I was just such a smart lil tyke) diagnosis in childhood plus general curiosity, I accepted. For science.
Z had it in his head that it'd be great to go to his place and make use of his new record player (hipster, I thought, yay). Everyone else was out but I was in due to the following factors: A) Adderall, even if it didn't work as promised (as is my experience with basically everything but alcohol) the placebo factor should keep me awake for quite a while longer B) I stillhad every intention of getting my shit done C) I genuinely wanted to hang out with Z D) grad school needs more scandals and I might as well contribute E) I was very curious about certain aspects of Z's nature i.e. whether he was a bisexual boy unicorn or more queer than a 3 dollar bill.
In summation, it was pretty fun and I got most of my work accomplished. I kind of expected to run across some fairly off-putting aspect of Z's character like I do with most people. If anything, he just pays attention less hard to what I saying than maybe my best friends do which is no great flaw in a new friend. Particularly one who is a little drunk and on Adderall.
Despite the record player, typewriter, and being vegan, I took back the judgy "hipster" comment. The man is just obliviously fond of old movies and old-ish music and seems to have pretty good taste in both.
I think he was not expecting me to actually want to get work done (and really not necessarily in the "let's listen to music/hook up" way). But whip out my laptop and set to work I did, welcoming interruption by new record choices and movie clips and bursts of conversation, of course. Z, I learned, is much more honest than I will probably ever be able to be. People trust me instinctively for whatever reasons people do such things but I don't really do it back. If I'm hazarding guesses (and why the fuck not, this is an online journal that's semi-fictional in a corner of the web where there are no spiders) I'd say it's because while I may become amused, I almost never judge (unless you're really stingy with money, then I judge you fast). So, perhaps people sort of test me in conversation and I continue to completely accept what they say/do/think without judgment, the floodgates open. Maybe not.
Anyway, Z and I talked about all sorts of stuff. Most surprising, about past relationships and how he's convinced he doesn't know how to date (he doesn't though I think it's more that he wouldn't be wildly interested in a proper date). I think this is where I'm supposed to get all dreamy about how we talked all night and then cuddled (which we did) but I won't. It was a lovely night, good conversation, good cuddle, makings of a good friend. What I might like most about Z is his sexuality, like mine, is a moving target and he's aware of it. We talked about boys and girls and how we're kind of both in that space where we have a hard time envisioning an actual relationship with someone of the same sex. He may be a rare bisexual boy unicorn, he may be as queer as a 3 dollar bill, we'll see.
All in all, I have mixed feelings about Z. Am I attracted or just intrigued? Either way, I am quite sure he could become a good friend, given time. I am also quite sure that I should have more friends like him. My best friends are wonderful people but their range of what is good and acceptable behavior is very narrow and narrow does not suit me well. They are daylight people and sometimes I am not.
